Helping Couples Bridge the Gap Between Erotic Differences
3 Hours
Monday, August 10th, 2026 10:00 AM EDT -1:00 PM EDT Mindy Noe, LCSW
Monday, August 10th, 2026 10:00 AM EDT -1:00 PM EDT Mindy Noe, LCSW
3 CE Credits
Price
Paid
$59.99 USD
Yahoo!
Description
This training will provide clinicians with a clear, balanced framework for working with couples who experience differences in sexual interests, erotic preferences, fantasy, novelty, kink, BDSM, or comfort with exploration. Participants will be introduced to foundational terminology, including kink, BDSM, fetish interests, fantasy, vanilla sexuality, power exchange, and consent, while learning how to distinguish consensual erotic diversity from pathology, coercion, or abuse. The training will also examine how shame, secrecy, disclosure injuries, cultural and religious messages, gender expectations, and attachment dynamics can shape the way couples understand and respond to sexual differences.
The course will emphasize practical clinical tools for helping couples talk about erotic differences with more safety, clarity, and compassion. Participants will learn strategies for reducing shame and pressure, validating both partners, exploring the meaning beneath specific interests, and supporting communication around fantasy, preference, identity, boundaries, and consent. Interventions will include Yes/No/Maybe lists, erotic mapping, sensate-focus-informed approaches, and clinical assessment of whether differences are flexible, negotiable, or potentially non-compatible. Special attention will be given to avoiding both pathologizing and coercive normalization, recognizing when additional support or referral may be needed, and helping couples make honest, emotionally safe decisions about what is workable in their relationship.
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About the Presenter:
Mindy Noe, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist who works with individuals and couples navigating intimacy challenges, desire differences, sexual pain, communication patterns, and emotional disconnection. She is licensed in New York and New Jersey and provides in-person therapy in Brooklyn as well as virtual therapy for clients in Greater New York and New Jersey.
Mindy’s clinical work integrates sex therapy, couples therapy, attachment-based approaches, and evidence-informed frameworks to help clients better understand themselves, their partners, and the patterns that keep them stuck. Her teaching focuses on helping therapists approach sexual concerns with greater clarity, compassion, clinical confidence, and sensitivity to shame, relational dynamics, consent, and individual differences.
Learning Objectives:
- Define key terminology related to sexual interest differences, including kink, BDSM, fetish interests, fantasy, vanilla sexuality, power exchange, and consent frameworks.
- Describe common clinical dynamics that may arise in couples with differing sexual interests, including shame, secrecy, disclosure injuries, pressure/avoidance cycles, attachment fears, and concerns related to coercion or abuse.
- Identify clinical strategies for helping couples discuss and negotiate sexual differences safely, including structured communication, Yes/No/Maybe lists, erotic mapping, fantasy-versus-demand clarification, boundary-setting, and assessment of bridgeability versus incompatibility.
Agenda:
Treating Couples With Different Sexual Interests:
Helping Couples Navigate Erotic Differences and Sexual Negotiation
Introduction & Training Goals — 10 Minutes
- Why sexual interest differences matter clinically
- Why therapists often feel underprepared for kink/vanilla dynamics
- Establishing a balanced, nonjudgmental, kink-aware stance
- Framing the goal: not to pathologize, persuade, or pressure, but to help couples understand, communicate, and assess what is workable
Foundations: Language, Myths & Consent — 30 Minutes
- Defining kink, BDSM, fetish, fantasy, vanilla sexuality, power exchange, and erotic difference
- Differentiating kink from pathology
- Differentiating fantasy from desire for enactment
- Understanding vanilla sexuality without minimizing or shaming it
- Common myths and misconceptions about kink, BDSM, and sexual difference
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Consent frameworks:
- SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual
- RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink
- FRIES: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific
- Distinguishing consensual kink from coercion, pressure, or abuse
Understanding the Couple Dynamic — 40 Minutes
- Shame, secrecy, and disclosure injuries
- Pressure and avoidance cycles
- Pursuer-withdrawer dynamics around sexuality
-
Attachment themes:
- “You don’t accept me”
- “I’m not enough”
- “I’m afraid I’ll be pressured”
- “I’m afraid I’ll have to hide this part of myself”
- The emotional meanings underneath erotic interests
- Brief biopsychosocial understanding of how erotic interests may develop
- How religious, cultural, gender, and family messages can intensify shame or fear
- How couples become polarized around kink/vanilla differences
- Helping therapists understand both partners compassionately
Clinical Interventions & Treatment Strategies — 65 Minutes
- Structuring sexual communication safely
- Helping couples discuss erotic interests without coercion
- Slowing down disclosure and reducing emotional flooding
- Differentiating fantasy, curiosity, preference, identity, and demand
- Exploring the underlying emotional and erotic needs beneath a specific interest
- Yes/No/Maybe lists as a tool for clarity, not persuasion
- Erotic mapping and identifying possible areas of overlap
- Sensate focus adaptations for reducing pressure and rebuilding safety
- Helping couples negotiate flexibility, boundaries, and experimentation
- Supporting the vanilla spouse without framing them as closed, repressed, or less evolved
- Supporting the kink-interested spouse without pathologizing or shaming their sexuality
- Managing shame, defensiveness, disappointment, and rejection in session
- Assessing bridgeability versus incompatibility
Clinical Integration: Bridgeability, Boundaries & Additional Support — 15 Minutes
- How therapists assess whether differences are workable, negotiable, or potentially non-compatible
- Differentiating between a flexible preference and a core erotic need or identity-level concern
- Helping couples tolerate honest limits without turning them into blame
- When “being open” becomes self-betrayal or coercion
- When “having a boundary” becomes avoidance, fear, or shame
- Supporting couples who love each other but may not be erotically compatible in a specific area
- Therapist self-awareness: noticing bias, discomfort, overidentification, or subtle pressure
- Ethical considerations around consent, coercion, trauma, abuse, and values conflicts
- Recognizing when additional support, consultation, medical care, trauma treatment, sex therapy, or referral may be needed
Closing Discussion & Questions — 20 Minutes
- Key takeaways
- Final reflections
- Questions and discussion
Accreditation - This Webinar Offers 3 Live Interactive Continuing Education Credits
- CE You LLC, #1573, is approved as an ACE provider to offer social work continuing education by the Association of Social Work Boards (ASWB) Approved Continuing Education (ACE) program. Regulatory boards are the final authority on courses accepted for continuing education credit. ACE provider approval period: 3/27/2024 - 3/27/2027. Social workers completing this course receive 3 continuing education credits.
- CE You! is an approved sponsor of the Maryland Board of Social Work Examiners for continuing education credits for licensed social workers in Maryland.
CE You! maintains responsibility for this program. - CE You LLC is recognized by the New York State Education Department's State Board for Social Work as an approved provider of continuing education for licensed social workers #SW-0437
- This program meets the requirements for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. These CE credits may be applied toward AASECT certification and renewal of certification. AASECT Knowledge Areas: Developmental Sexuality, Health/Medical factors that influence sexuality, Intimacy Skills, Learning theory and its application, Range of sexual functioning and behavior, sexual and reproductive anatomy, Socio-cultural and familial factors. May be used for Sex Therapy Training ST1, ST2, ST3, ST4, ST5, ST6, ST7.
- Therapist Express is recognized by the New York State Education Department's State Board for Mental Health Practitioners as an approved provider of continuing education for licensed creative arts therapists. #CAT-0122.
- Therapist Express is recognized by the New York State Education Department's State Board for Mental Health Practitioners as an approved provider of continuing education for licensed marriage and family therapists #MFT-0129.
- Therapist Express is recognized by the New York State Education Department's State Board for Mental Health Practitioners as an approved provider of continuing education for licensed mental health counselors. #MHC-0325.
- Therapist Express is recognized by the New York State Education Department's State Board for Psychology as an approved provider of continuing education for licensed psychologists #PSY-0275.
This presentation is open to:
- Behavior Analysts
- Social Workers
- Professional Counselors
- Therapists
- Psychologists
- Licensed Mental Health Practitioners
- Medical Doctors and Other Health Professionals
- Other professionals interacting with populations engaged in mental health based services
This online class is offered at an intermediate level, and is beneficial for a beginner level clinician:
- New practitioners who wish to gain enhanced insight surrounding the topic
- Experienced practitioners who seek to increase and expand fundamental knowledge surrounding the subject matter
- Advanced practitioners seeking to review concepts and reinforce practice skills and/or access additional consultation
- Managers seeking to broaden micro and/or macro perspectives
Additional information
- Refunds: Registrants who are unable to attend a CeYou! Plus! seminar or live webinars may ask for, and will receive, a credit or refund (your choice). Refund requests will be processed within 3 business days. When an attendee knows in advance that they are unable to attend we ask that they inform CeYou! Plus! ahead of time by emailing [email protected] or by calling or texting 607-249-4585 this allows us to free up the spot in the training in the event that a training is at or near capacity.
- Disability Access: If you require ADA accommodations, please contact our office 30 days or more before the event. We cannot ensure accommodations without adequate prior notification.
- Please Note: Licensing Boards change regulations often, and while we attempt to stay abreast of their most recent changes, if you have questions or concerns about this course meeting your specific board’s approval, we recommend you contact your board directly.
- The grievance policy for trainings provided by CeYou! Plus! is available here
- Satisfactory Completion: Certificates are available after satisfactory course completion in your account or by clicking here
- Participants will receive their certificate electronically upon completion of the webinar and course evaluation form.
- There is no conflict of interest or commercial support for this program.
- System Requirements: Any device (such as a computer, tablet, or phone), Dual-Core 2 GHz or higher processor, and at least 4 GB of RAM capable of running a Zoom session, along with a stable internet connection.
- Although early registration is recommended for this class in order to ensure the best experience, attendees may register and join until the start of the program
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